Pursuit of happiness and all things that could be.

Thank me now

2011-05-01T21:55:00.000-04:00

I don't think I could thank me. I look at myself now and wonder what happened to me. Where is the life I wanted? I always pictured myself as carefree person, no structure being able to do whatever, whenever. Well at 37 that is so not the case. I get up travel about and hour only to spend the next few hours thinking, fuck when will this be over. While the people I work with are fine, the structure and decisions surrounding our job makes it difficult. I always thought I would live in a city, and have more things to do than time in the day. Thanks me that didn't happen. I don't hate my hometown, you know after 37 years here it way past time to move. I want to move soon. Lexington, would be nice, good city nice layout. I also wouldn't mind moving to Pittsburgh, but it doesn't seem to be in the cards for me. I also think Cincinnati would be a good choice. I would love to move to Orlando, Jacksonville not likely. I will keep rolling the dice, hoping something comes up.

Welcome to the Terrordome

2011-04-16T23:31:00.000-04:00

I got so much trouble on my mind. Creative opening lyric by Chuck D of PE, but the state of my mind the last few weeks. I often wonder how much is is mine. You are responsible for your own actions, you control your life and future. When I look back an the last 60 days two words describe it Pissed off. I have been pissed off or pissed someone else off. While none of it maybe intentional, it feels like it. The person I want to be and the person that I am currently are vastly apart. What I would like to, is close that gap, but not lose sight of the person I want to be. What is it going to take for this to happen? Ideally in a few weeks this should start to happen. What do I do in the meantime? Patients, pray, find a hero. While we all have troubles learning to deal with it is difficult. I do have the most respect for President Obama, imagine the worries he has to face. It makes me understand the small things like the pick up game he plays with is staff. When he takes time out of his day to talk about sports, or what most people consider unimportant. You have to take the small happy stuff, and make it work for you. I can take my workouts and my classes and my other actives and use them as worry free zones. I have a new week coming up some new workouts, new class, hopefully a better attitude.

Huntington - pride

2011-02-09T10:44:00.001-05:00

Huntington used to be pretty just about every part of the city. People cared about the way their house looked, having a nice yard meant something, keeping the exterior nice looking. I drove through some areas today and just thought damn, this is terrible. Come on man clean up the yard get ride of all the debris etc it may not be the best house but it is YOUR HOUSE.

Better and Best

2011-02-07T23:18:00.000-05:00

While most people want a better life. I want the best life. The last 5 weeks of the Couch to 5k have taught me a few things myself. I want to be able to finish the race, not just participate. I get up each day with the idea of getting better, while it doesn't always work out. I get up the next day to try again as long as I have another day I will continue to try.

Husky Helper Dump Truck or Shallow wants?

2010-11-23T22:17:00.003-05:00

Shallow, its what I am. I have always wanted items possessions from a young age. I was about 5 or 6 and my dad took me to Hecks.

We were in the toy section and I remember seeing construction trucks that I didn't have but wanted pretty bad. I only had a Husky Helper Dump truck, it was yellow and orange and had a big orange lever you pulled down to dump it. I wanted the bulldozer and the cement mixer and the steam roller. I mean what kind of kid would I be if I didn't have a complete construction crew. I did have all the trucks, I remember getting the last few for Christmas I think was about 6. There was nothing like opening that box and finding my bulldozer, sadly it was winter and I had to wait still summer to doze my first dirt pile.
In way it shows my patience in waiting to get what I want. I never stopped wanting the tucks but felt accomplished once I got the trucks. I think when this translates to my life and what I want out of life. The difference between then and now is the trucks cost a little more than they did back in the 80's. I also have to purchase the trucks myself. While it may feel lime I'm not making a progress, but it just takes considerably more planning and preparation. I'm pretty frustrated most days because my Christmas hasn't come but pretty much like then, I need to wait and be patient.

My desire for objects has never dove me down the illegal path to obtain get what I want. I did however still gum from a convenient store in the 4th grade for weeks. I actually stopped because it was wrong and did not want to risk getting in trouble, the store installed mirrors to watch the candy. I can't say I have ever wanted to rob someone and take what they have, it make me lose that accomplished feeling. Accomplishments are one of ways to define who I am. If I feel accomplished by getting some of my things I want, I will continue to be shallow.

Ordinary People

2010-11-22T02:30:00.000-05:00

"We're just ordinary people We don't know which way to go". John Ledgend is right. We really don't know which way to go, once the basic needs are met. People look to religion, which I commend you, having a blind faith is very difficult and even more difficult to defend. Music many people have found an inner peace with listening to music. (See earlier quote above). Listen or hear music? Family is a popular choice this time of year. Your family means well, they may not say it or express it in a meaningful manner but they do.

Why am I up at this hour? I'm up for 2 reasons, family, and tooth pain. I have feeling that's not 100% confirmed for sure but I feel as if my family considers me the failure. I have not lived up to their expectations of what they wanted for me in my life. I wouldn't say its just my family I have disappointed but myself as well. My own expectations and standards I have set for myself. I live by a demand more expect more philosophy. I my life is a case of that biting me in the ass. I did not always take the difficult path of often chose the most practical path, which doesn't always mean the best. I stand by my decisions, not all have worked as I have wanted but they haven't killed me. I hope this mean they have made me stronger.

Confidence in you direction will lead you to your correct path.