Thank me now

I don't think I could thank me. I look at myself now and wonder what happened to me. Where is the life I wanted? I always pictured myself as carefree person, no structure being able to do whatever, whenever.  Well at 37 that is so not the case.  I get up travel about and hour only to spend the next few hours thinking, fuck when will this be over.  While the people I work with are fine, the structure and decisions surrounding our job makes it difficult. I always thought I would live in a city, and have more things to do than time in the day.  Thanks me that didn't happen. I don't hate my hometown, you know after 37 years here it way past time to move.  I want to move soon. Lexington, would be nice,  good city nice layout.   I also wouldn't mind moving to Pittsburgh, but it doesn't seem to be in the cards for me. I also think Cincinnati would be a good choice.  I would love to move to Orlando, Jacksonville not likely.  I will keep rolling the dice, hoping something comes up.

Welcome to the Terrordome

I got so much trouble on my mind.  Creative opening lyric by Chuck D of  PE, but the state of my mind the last few weeks.  I often wonder how much is is mine. You are responsible for your own actions, you control your life and future.  When I look back an the last 60 days two words describe it Pissed off.  I have been pissed off or pissed someone else off.  While none of it maybe intentional, it feels like it.  The person I want to be and the person that I am currently are vastly apart. What I would like to, is close that gap, but not lose sight of the person I want to be.  What is it going to take for this to happen?  Ideally in a few weeks this should start to happen. What do I do in the meantime?  Patients, pray,  find a hero. While we all have troubles learning to deal with it is difficult. I do have the most respect for President Obama, imagine the worries he has to face. It makes me understand the small things like the pick up game he plays with is staff. When he takes time out of his day to talk about sports, or what most people consider unimportant.  You have to take the small happy stuff, and make it work for you. I can take my workouts and my classes and my other actives and use them as worry free zones. I have a new week coming up some new workouts, new class, hopefully a better attitude.